An American

An American, Japanese, and a Sardar were sitting in the sauna. Suddenly

there was a beeping sound.

The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others

looked at him questioningly.

“That’s my pager,” he said, “I have a microchip under the skin of my

arm.”

A few minutes later a phone rang.

The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he

explained, “That’s my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.

The Sardar felt low-tech and inferior. He didn’t know what to do to be

as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a

break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn’t realize that there was

a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his backside. The

others raised their eyebrows and said, “Wow! What’s that?” Instead of

being embarassed, inspiration struck his mind.

The Sardar explained,

“I’m getting a FAX. . . . . .”

A man and a woman, who had never met before,found themselves
assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental
train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room,
the two
were tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and
she in
the lower.

At 2:00 AM, he leaned over and gently wakes the
woman,saying, ??

“Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be kind
enough to reach
into the closet to get me a second blanket ? I’m awfully
cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, why
don’t we
pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!!” he is excited.

“Good,” she replies. “Get up and get your own damn
blanket.!!”

Smart Sardar

What is Common between : Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji & Jesus..?

Sardar ji Replied : All are Born on Government holidays !

he Suicide

Three Construction workers are working on the 20th floor of a tall
building in bombay . One is a Mallu, the second is a Bengali and the third is a
Sardarji. Every day all the three meet in the lunch hall and have their
lunch together One fine day — the Mallu opened his lunch box and finds
idlis in the box. He says ” I am fed up of eating these idlis daily. If I
find idlis in the box tommorow, i will jump from the 20th floor and die”.

Next the Bengali opens his lunch box and finds Fish in it and says IfI
find fish in my lunch box tommorow, I am going to jump from the 20th floor of
this building and die”

Next the Sardarji opens his lunch box and finds Parathas in it and
says”Mother promise, if I find parathas in my box tommorow I am also going
to jump from the 20th floor”
Next day the three friends meet in the lunch room for lunch. Mallu opens
his lunch box and finds Idlis and promptly jumps from the 20th floor and dies.
The Bengali opens his lunch box and finds fish in it and jumps from the
20th floor and dies. Sardarji opens his box and finds parathas and he also
jumps from the 20th floor and dies.

In the combined funeral held for all the three friends by their
colleagues, the Mallu’s widow says “I did not know he hated idlis so much.
If not I would have packed something else for his lunch” The Bengali’s
widow says “I did not know he hated fish so much. If not I would have packed
something else for his lunch”

The sardarji’s widow says “I do not understand what went wrong. My husband
always prepared his lunch!

GUTS

On a ship, the Generals of three nations were traveling with their
soldiers. They started an argument on whose soldier had more guts.

The American General called for one of his men and told him to jump
off and take a round swimming around the moving ship.
The soldier did as he was commanded. The American General boasted of
by saying, “See the guts!”

Now the German General called out for one of his men and asked him
to take two similar rounds around the moving ship.
The soldier did as he was told. When he came back from the wa ter the
German General said, “See the guts!”

Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man and
asked him to take five similar rounds.
The soldier promptly replied, “saale Paagal,Tere baap ka naukar hoon
kya???”
The general proudly said, “See the guts!”

A policeman

A policeman was interrogating 3 SARDARS who were training to become
detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first SARDAR a
picture for 5 seconds and then hides it.
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The first SARDAR answers, “That’s easy, we’ll catch him fast because he
only has one eye!”
The policeman says, “Well…uh…that’s because the picture I showed is
his side profile.”
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for
5 seconds at the second SARDAR and asks him,
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?”
The second SARDAR smiles, flips his hair and says, “Ha! He’d be too easy
to catch because he only has one ear!”
The policeman angrily responds, “What’s the matter with you two?? Of
course only one eye and one ear are showing because it’s a picture of his
side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up with?”
Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third
SARDAR and in a very testy voice asks,
“This is your suspect, how would you recognize him? He quickly adds,
“Think hard before giving me a stupid answer.”
The SARDAR looks at the picture intently for a moment and says,
“The suspect wears contact lenses.”
The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn’t know
himself if the suspect wears contacts or not.
“Well, that’s an interesting answer. Wait here for a few minutes while I
check his file and I’ll get back to you on that.”
He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect’s file in
his computer , and comes back with a beaming smile on his face.
“Wow! I can’t believe it. It’s TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact
lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?”
scroll down for the answer

“That’s easy,” the SARDAR replied.

“He can’t wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear.”

Men and Women

Men on earth die and go to heaven.

God comes and says,” I want the men to form two queues

one line for the men who dominated their women, and the other one for the
men who were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go away
so that no man and woman can talk.”

Next time God comes back, the women are gone, and there are two lines.

The line for the men who were dominated by their women is 100 miles long,
and in the line of men who dominated their women there is only one man.

God gets mad and says, “You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created
you in my image, and you were all whipped by your mates.

Look at the only one of my sons who stood up and made me proud. Learn from
him!

Tell them, my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

The man replies, “I don’t know, my wife told me to stand here.”