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Some important information

Some important information, if you are in Chennai or plan to move to Chennai

Chennai Pincodes

Eye Banks in Chennai

Online Bill Payments

 

Chennai Metro Water, Electric Bill, Telephone Bill

Essential Services

 

Gas Agencies in Chennai, ATMs in Chennai, Banks in Chennai, Blood Banks in Chennai

Transport

 

Chennai Railway Weblinks, Chennai Railway Phone Numbers, Chennai Roadways, Airlines booking
 

Sprituality

 

Daily Rahu Kalam

Best tourist places in Chennai

Adventure Sports in Chennai	Amusement Parks	Beaches	Chennai Tours	Churches and Basilicas	Historical Buildings
Memorials in Chennai	Monuments in Chennai	Mosques in Chennai	Museums in Chennai	Other places of worship	Parks in Chennai
Shopping Paradise of Chennai	Temples around Chennai	Temples in Chennai

URL	Member	Category	Posted Date
Golden Temple in Vellore		Chennai Tours	18 Mar 2011
Parthasarathy Temple in Chennai		Temples in Chennai	15 Mar 2011
Gemini Studio and Productions		Historical Buildings	13 Mar 2011
Mahabalipuram near Chennai		Chennai Tours	02 Mar 2011
Historical Vellore Temples		Chennai Tours	23 Feb 2011
Vellore Fort Near Chennai		Chennai Tours	22 Feb 2011
About Vellore tourist spot near Chennai		Chennai Tours	22 Feb 2011
Sri Agatheeshwarar Temple Kolapakkam Chennai/Tourist places Chennai/Chennai tourist attractions		Temples around Chennai	09 Jun 2010
Hop On-Hop Off Tour, East Coast Road, Chennai /Tourist attractions Chennai/tourist places Chennai		Chennai Tours	17 Apr 2010
Mangadu Kamakshiamman Temple Chennai		Temples in Chennai	05 Mar 2010
Dash N Splash Water Park Chennai		Amusement Parks	05 Mar 2010
Dolphin City and Little Folks Chennai		Amusement Parks	05 Mar 2010
Sri Ranganatha Swami Temple, Thiruneermalai,		Temples in Chennai	19 Feb 2010
Muttukadu Boat House, Chennai/ Chennai Tourist places/ Chennai Tourist attractions		Adventure Sports in Chennai	06 Feb 2010
Dakshin Chitra, Chennai/ Tourist attractions Chennai/Tourist places Chennai		Museums in Chennai	06 Feb 2010
Valluvar Kottam, Nungambakkam, Chennai\Tourist attractions Chennai		Monuments in Chennai	04 Feb 2010
Covelong Beach, Chennai\Chennai beaches\Chennai tourist places		Adventure Sports in Chennai	02 Feb 2010
Elliots Beach, Chennai\Chennai beaches\Tourist places Chennai		Beaches	17 Jan 2010
Marina Beach, Chennai		Beaches	17 Jan 2010
Fort St. George, Chennai		Historical Buildings	06 Jan 2010

 

Kindly, share this valuable information wherever possible.

1.  If you see children Begging anywhere in INDIA , please contact: 
"RED SOCIETY" at 9940217816. They will help the children for their studies. 

2. Where you can search for any BLOOD GROUP, you will get thousand's of donor address.www.friends2support.org

3. Engineering Students can register in www.campuscouncil.com to attend Off Campus for 40 Companies. 

4. Free Education and Free hostel for Handicapped/Physically Challenged children. 
Contact:- 9842062501 & 9894067506.

5. If anyone met with fire accident or people born with problems in their ear, nose and mouth can get free PLASTIC SURGERY done by  Kodaikanal   PASAM Hospital . From 23rd March to 4th April by German Doctors. 
Everything is free. Contact : 045420-240668,245732 
"Helping Hands are Better than Praying Lips" 

6. If you find any important documents like Driving license, Ration card, Passport, Bank Pass Book, etc., missed by someone, simply put them into any near by Post Boxes. They will automatically reach the owner and Fine will be collected from them. 

7.  By the next 10 months, our earth will become 4 degrees hotter than what it is now. Our Himalayan glaciers are melting at rapid rate. So let all of us lend our hands to fight GLOBAL WARMING. 
  -Plant more Trees. 
  -Don't waste Water & Electricity.       
  -Don't use or burn Plastics 

8.  It costs 38 Trillion dollars to create OXYGEN for 6 months for all Human beings on earth. 
"TREES DO IT FOR FREE" 
"Respect them and Save them" 
 
9.   Special phone number for Eye bank and Eye donation: 04428281919 and 04428271616 (Sankara Nethralaya Eye Bank). For More information about how to donate eyes plz visit these sites.http://ruraleye.org/

10.  Heart Surgery free of cost for children (0-10 yr) Sri Valli Baba Institute Banglore. 10. 
Contact : 9916737471 

11. Medicine for Blood Cancer!!!! 
'Imitinef Mercilet' is a medicine which cures blood cancer. Its available free of cost at "Adyar Cancer Institute in Chennai". Create Awareness. It might help someone. 
Cancer Institute  in Adyar, Chennai 
Category:  Cancer 
Address: 
East Canal Bank Road , Gandhi Nagar 
Adyar 
Chennai -600020 
Landmark: Near Michael School 
Phone:  044-24910754  044-24910754 ,  044-24911526  044-24911526 ,  044-22350241  044-22350241 

12.  Please CHECK WASTAGE OF FOOD 
If you have a function/party at your home in India and food gets wasted, don't hesitate to call 1098 (only in India ) - Its not a Joke, This is the number of Child helpline. 
They will come and collect the food. Please circulate this message which can help feed many children.
AND LETS TRY TO HELP INDIA BE A BETTER PLACE TO LIVE IN Please Save Our Mother Nature for "OUR FUTURE GENERATIONS"

commit suicide who?

Hero loves heroin..??

but heroin loves Villain..??

but villain loves hero sister..??

but hero sister loves heroin brother..??

but heroin brother loves villain sisters..??

but villain sisters loves hero's brother..??

Finally two persons commit suicide who r they...???

Begger: Rs.6 ivandi sir coffie tagali
Man:Coffie Rs.3 kada
Beg: pakana girlfrnd undi sir
Man: Beggarki girlfrnda?
Beg: girlfrnd vachake beggerni ayyanu sir



..................................

In Ghajini, if Surya was killed instead of Asin,
the movie will cross over 1000cr. Why ?




Then Asin will have to write everything on her body.

.................




principle : all students must try to get 95%

student : no sir we try for 100%

principle : are you joking ???

student: nee yenkamma evadu ra first joke chesindi.........................


............................

high laziness
Son : Dad 1 Glass water ivvu
Dad : nuvve techuko
Son : plz ivvu
Dad : malli adigitey Tanta
Son : tanataniki vachetapudu water tisukonki raaaaa



.....................

Default
Oh God! give me 1 bag full of money, a job, 1 big vehicle & many girls around me!

GOD : Ur Wish is full filled.......

.
.
.
.
.
.
he became............
.
.
.
.
A Bus Conductor...
__________________

mahamanthri: maharaaja yuddaniki siddham kammani pakka desham raju sms pampaadu..
yemi cheyamantaru prabhu???

raju : sms sendiang failed ani reply pampu...

...................................
ady:naku ma vari nundi divorse kavali sir
advocate:me aayana kabadi champion kada,enti problm
lady:adhe problm sir,just touch chesi paripothunnaru


...........................

age of drinks

1-3 milk


3-5 cerelac


5-15 horlicks


16-25 Beer



26-45 whisky




46-75 tonic



after 75 anytime :tulasi teertham



......................







by mistake sardar goes into Ladies Toilet.all ladies suddenly stand up
sadar: gowravam manasulo vunte chalu...
baito baito





....................................

Once James Bond met a Dog
he said I am Bond james Bond............

Then dog Bites him & said i am KUkKA PICHHI KUKKA



........................

there is one glass if u said any false statement in front of that u will die.
american :i think i'm not laziest person he died.
Australian : i think my country is no 1 in the world he died
Sardar : i think ..................... He died.


...................]

Sweet insult:
one boy falls Near a donkey, a uiful girl sees dis n says
" enty mee anna kallu mokkutunnava??"
Boy say's: avunu vadina..........





.................

A man called FM Radio & said " i have found a wallet with 15000 Rs/-, acredit card & and id card of Mr : krish ,shop no 13,afdal gubnj ,hyd-36..

Rj: how honest so you want to return his wallet ??

man : no way..!!, u crazy !!!
i just wanted to dedicate him a sad song



...................
naku call cheyalani okka sari kuda anipinchaleda???


anthee memu enduku gurthuntam kada ???
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
sardar sent this msg 2 customer care





...........


A young man tries to impress a young girl,
"i've seen u somewhere".

girl replied

"QUITE POSSIBLE I'm a nurse in mental hospital





..............

In a bar 1 Guy says 2 another
"I slept wid ur mom last nite"
D whole bar was waiting 4 d other Guy's response.
He laughs & says, "Lets go home dad, U r drunk"






..................

Sardar was travelling in bus.sudenly driver applied brake!
Sardar fell on a girl!
Girl: hey wat r u doing?
Sardar: final year b.com in punjab university.





.............

jeevithamlo evarini takkuva anchana veyyakudadu

for example

oka cheema nee bugga koraka galadu,
but nuvvu
cheema bugga korakagalava???

try cheyyi



..............


things in boys room b4 marriage :
perfums,
loveletters,
gifts,
playing cards,
n73 cell

aftermarriage:
painkillers,
loanpapers,
unpaidbills,
1100





...............


y popcorn jumps when heated on stove ????
.
.
.
.


nuvvu stove meeda kurcho appudu telustundi popcorn enduku egurutundo.................


.................


Ultimate answer while changing the job.

Interviewer: why did you leave your last job?
Applicant : B'coz the company shifted the office and didn't tell me where......




.........................

sardar fixd his marrge on 2nd june. he sent inviton to all his frnds lik dis "marrge is on june 2nd. plz come on 1st nit,we all will enjoy..!"

.....................

two lovers plan to suicide

boy : jumps 1st
Girl closed her eyes and returned back
boy in air opens parachute and shouts " Naku telusey mee gurunchi"anduke parachute esukoni dukhanu "



....................


sardarne coffee how much sir,,,,,,,?
Owner:1 coffee 5 rupees,,
Sardar:opposite shop lo 50 paisa only,,,,,
Owner: u stupid ,,,,
that is xerox copy ,,,,,,




....................

The only place in India where food is cheap,
Tea- Rs. 1.00
Soup- Rs. 5.50
dal- Rs. 1.50
dosa- Rs. 4.00
.........biryani- Rs. 8. 00
chicken- Rs. 24 .50
These items are meant for poor people & are available at
Indian Parliment canteen.
The salary of those poor people is Rs.80,000 /
month without income tax....!!!



.......................


BRANDED WORLD-
A rich girl was walking by the river in the fOrest- suddenly, she saw a running cheetah-
she screamd- OH MY GOD- "PUMA"



....................

The answer to the toughest question is here!

"when will u know u r in LOVE?"

U know it when U start looking for the cheapest mobile plan.


.................

Girl:I love u
Boy:I luv u to
G:nannu preminchavu kada pellilo katnam mata ethavuga
B:nuvu badapadaku dear katnam enti asalu pelli mate ethanu


....................

Our brilliaNt Santa does it agaiN:

Teacher-Which is ur favourite dish?

.

.

.

Santa-TATA SKY!!



.........................

Santa falls in a Sea
he sees a Fish
& throws it to Land
&says-

I'm going to die,
at least u save ur life


Biscuit kept in air bcomes soft.
Cake kept in air bcomes hard.
MORAL:
Hrd n sft kadu point gaaliki tirigite evadina paniki rakunda potadu



.................


Sardar breaks an egg for omlet.. the egg was empty..
Sardar:"oye,my god..new generation hens also started 2 do abortion!! Wat a crazy world!
__________________

3 stages in a guy's love life..

Stage 1:
Ye maaya chesave

Stage 2:
Enduku maaya chesave

Stage 3:
Jeevitham buggi paalu chesave



...........................

Dr-Ur weight was 65kgs yesterday,today its 55kgs,i think yu r having dangerous disease-
Woman-I was in a hurry,so i couldnt do "MAKE UP"



.............
Light can replace Sun,
Parents can replace God,
But noth'g in
d Wrld can
replace U...

Bcoz
.
.
.
"LOCAL-ITEMS"
No guarantee,
No replacemnT!;-)

..............
A boy wrote
luv letter wit his BLOOD 2 a medical girl& said
"Plz reply 4 my letter"
Girl reply:
Blod grp B+
Hemoglobin-8
Sugar-ok
Fees-100Rs



.............

Height of insult:

A boy mesagd his AIEEE rank 2 his friend.

Friend's reply: 'hey mama, kotha no. Ah? epudu theeskunavra"




............
Height of addiction:
Jst bfore a prisoner's execution d officer askd him abt his lst reqst
He said
I wnt 2 update my facebuk status as'dead'




.....................

In 1980,IDBI rejectd Loan 2Ambani.

30yrs latr

Mukesh Ambani Planed 2buy IDBI

Dis shows Nothing is ImPosible.

2day "SBI" Rejectd My Loan.


.................

U r my Best,Smart,Cute,Genious,Lovble,Sweet &Inteligent Frnd"

Note:-"Msg lo rasina words kevalam kalpitam, evarini uddesinchi rasinavi kadu"




..............................

Boy: our Prncipal is a Rascal
.
Girl:do u know who am I?
.
B:No
.
G:Im principl's daughter
.
B:do u know who am I?
.
G:No
.
B:thank god

--------------------
Patient: Nuvvu na Hrudayam dochesav..!
Nurse: Edchav le yedava, Avatala doctor nee Kidney dobbesadu chusuko.!!

1). Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support:: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this
point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
--------------------------------------------------
2) Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message."
Tech Support:: "Did you install the update?"
Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------
3).Customer:: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word."
Tech Support:: "Tell me what you've done."
Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'."
Tech Support:: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says."
Customer:: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'."
Tech Support:: "Insert the MS Word setup disk."
Customer:: "What?"
Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?"
Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------
4).Customer:: "Do I need a computer to use your software?"
Tech Support:: ?!%#$
--------------------------------------------------
5).Tech Support:: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you
see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
--------------------------------------------------
6) Tech Support:: "What type of computer do you have?"
Customer:: "A white one."
--------------------------------------------------
7). Tech Support:: "Type 'A:' at the prompt."
Customer:: "How do you spell that?"
--------------------------------------------------
8). Tech Support: "What's on your screen right now?"
Customer: "A stuffed animal that my boyfriend got me at the grocery store."

--------------------------------------------------
9). Tech Support:: "What operating system are you running?"
Customer: "Pentium."
--------------------------------------------------
10). Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
--------------------------------------------------
11).Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
--------------------------------------------------
12).Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
--------------------------------------------------
13). Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print
document, but the computer won't boot properly."
Tech Support: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
--------------------------------------------------
14). Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24
hours."
Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
--------------------------------------------------
15). Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"
Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'."
Tech Support:: "Well?"
Customer: "How do I know when it's ready?"
--------------------------------------------------
16). A plain computer illeterate guy rings tech support to report that his
computer is faulty.
Tech: What's the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: You'll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don't! I just need to change th e startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You'll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and
it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there is
an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech: Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let
me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech: Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User: MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech: That's your problem there. That version of DOS didn't come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the
file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User: I need a new power supply.
Tech: How did you come to that conclusion?
User: Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE.
-------------------------------------------------
17) customer care officer:I need a product identification no: right now and
may I help u in finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find 'My Computer'?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

Why student fails in exam

Why student fails in exam???????
Its not the fault of the student if he/she fails, Because the year has an ONLY 365 days. Typical academic year for a student.

1. Sundays- 52,Sundays in a year, which are rest days. Balance 313 days.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study. Balance 263 days.

3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 122 days. Balance 141 days.

4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days. Balance 126 days.

5. Two hours daily for food & other delicacies (chew properly & eat)-means 30 days. Balance 96 days.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days . Balance 81 days.

7. Exam days per year at least 35 days. Balance 46 days.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival holidays)-40 days. Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness at least 3 days. Balance 3 days.

10. Movies and functions at least 2 days. Balance 1 day.

11. That 1 day is your birthday

do it see waht will happend?

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    Copy this onto notepad, press ctrl + H, press 6 in find box and underscore(_ ) in replace box and click replace all button. U will get thrilled.

Sardar letter to billgates

Sardar letter to billgates

Subject: Problems with my new computer


Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. We find there is 'Run' in the menu. One of my friends clicked 'run' he ran up to Amritsar ! So, we request you to change that to 'sit', so that we can click that by sitting.

3. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

4. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ' find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

5. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'MY Computer': when you will provide the remaining items?

7. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.

8. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

9. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

10. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Sardar,

Last one from me to Mr Bill Gates :
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS

Sardar Jokes

"Indians r poor but India is not a poor country". Says one of the swiss bank directors.
He says,
1. 280 lac crore" of Indian money is deposited in swiss banks which can be used for 'taxless' budget for 30 yrs.

2. Which Can give 60 crore jobs to all Indians.
3. 4 lane roads can be made from any village to Delhi.

4. Forever free power suply to more than 500 social projects .

5. Every citizen can get monthly 2000/- for 60 yrs.
No need of World Bank & IMF loan. Think how our money is blocked by rich politicians.
We have full right against corrupt politicians.
Take this seriously, You can forward jokes, then why not this? Be a responsible citizen.

Latter from husband ( who is abroad) to wife

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart

Your husband

John

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses

Instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

IPL Effects on Education

Cricket has reached exciting level with IPL. Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestion:

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hour and marks to 50.

2. introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit i.e, a chance foe students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. First 15 min power play, i.e, no invigilator in the examination hall.

5. Introduce their fair play awards.

6. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answers written.

7. Introduce one award to the most correct answers in the exams i.e, maximum sixes of the match.

JAI HO!

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."


Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,


"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."



"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."



Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

Financial Management

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj Restaurant yesterday.


How? The other beggar asked.

First beggar: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.

I went to Taj Restaurant and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-

And enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.

The Taj Restaurant manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

Lie or Truth?

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

Little Johnny- Entering Heaven

A nun asked her class, What part of the body goes into
heaven first?


A little girl raises her hand and says, I know, I know, the top of your head.


The nun asks, Why do you say that?


The little girl says, Because when you die, you go straight up, and the top of your head goes in first!


The nun replies, That makes sense, anyone else?


Another little girl says, I know, I know, the tips of your fingers.


The nun asks, Why the tips of your fingers?


The little girl replies, Because when you put your hands
together to pray, the tips of your fingers go into heaven
first!


The nun says, OK, anyone else?


Little Johnny is in the back waving his hand.


The nun says, OK, Johnny, please tell us what part of the body goes into heaven first?


Your feet! Your feet do, for sure! yells Johnny.


The nun, puzzled, asks, Why do you think your feet get to heaven first?


Because I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night, and my mom was in there, and she had both her feet sticking straight up in the air, and she was yelling 'Oh God, I'm coming. Oh God, I'm coming!' and if my Dad hadn't been holding her down, I think she would have gone!

funny jokes

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely en, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

just for fun

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"
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Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
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A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
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A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
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Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Problems of being Rich and Famous (Joke)

Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed House

Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in
the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor,
dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag
from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes Bye to Nitabhabhi on
16th floor, says ‘See You’ to his children on 13th floor, and goes
down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore Mercedes to office, but
than he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs. But on
which floor? 15th, 17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th ?

He phones to all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool
attendants, gym trainers, etc. on all the floors. There is a hectic
search and lot of running about on all the floors, but the key is not
traceable. Fed up, after half an hour, Mukeshbhai leaves in a
chauffeur driven ordinary Ikon car.

At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back,
a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai’s pant and hung it
to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the
pant pocket. The had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th
floor level and was never found. This was found out because of
Nitabhabhi’s habit of checking clothes given for ironing
personally.After 3 days Nitabhabhi complained to Mukeshbhai that where
was he roaming till 3 A.M. last night ? Mukeshbhai said the he was at
home all night.

Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M. I was so
much worried. I could not sleep whole night, said Nitabhabhi. Oh That
helicopter?

That helicopter came from Germany, sent by Mercedes people to deliver
the duplicate car key.

Jokes On Sardar Ji

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
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Doctor to Sardar (Patient): You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient: Yes. A good doctor..
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Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL
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Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new



Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
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Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
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Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
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Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!35 Children R More than Enough!!"
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Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
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After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:"Torch is okay"

Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".(Had never thought of it)

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not apple.




Son : Papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar : Ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..
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Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled why? When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.
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2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,

1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
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Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
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Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt
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Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
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A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"
The real Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
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Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? " Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na "
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Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
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Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
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Sardar and Hitler
Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? " Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na "
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Sardar and Computer

Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
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Two Sardars
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda so hi jaye
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1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
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Sardar and Practical Exam

In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name