Sardar Jokes

"Indians r poor but India is not a poor country". Says one of the swiss bank directors.
He says,
1. 280 lac crore" of Indian money is deposited in swiss banks which can be used for 'taxless' budget for 30 yrs.

2. Which Can give 60 crore jobs to all Indians.
3. 4 lane roads can be made from any village to Delhi.

4. Forever free power suply to more than 500 social projects .

5. Every citizen can get monthly 2000/- for 60 yrs.
No need of World Bank & IMF loan. Think how our money is blocked by rich politicians.
We have full right against corrupt politicians.
Take this seriously, You can forward jokes, then why not this? Be a responsible citizen.

Latter from husband ( who is abroad) to wife

Dear Sweetheart:

I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.

You are my sweetheart

Your husband

John

His wife replied back after some days to her husband:

Dearest sweetheart,

Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses.

3. Your house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses

Instead of the rent.

4. Supermarket owner did not accept kisses only, so I have given him Some other items....... ....

5. Other expenses 40 kisses

Please don't worry for me, I have a remaining balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can complete the month using this balance.

Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise!!!

Your Sweet Heart

IPL Effects on Education

Cricket has reached exciting level with IPL. Infusing the same thing into exams, some suggestion:

1. Reduce exam duration to 1 hour and marks to 50.

2. introduce strategic break after 30 minutes.

3. Give free hit i.e, a chance foe students to frame their own questions and write answers.

4. First 15 min power play, i.e, no invigilator in the examination hall.

5. Introduce their fair play awards.

6. Cheer girls to cheer for every correct answers written.

7. Introduce one award to the most correct answers in the exams i.e, maximum sixes of the match.

JAI HO!

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom and stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.

When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."


Mary replied, "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."

"DADDY! HOW WAS I BORN?" Junior asks his dad,


"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."



"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."



Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

Financial Management

A beggar to another beggar: I had a grand dinner at Taj Restaurant yesterday.


How? The other beggar asked.

First beggar: Some one gave me a Rs 100/- note yesterday.

I went to Taj Restaurant and ordered dinner worth Rs 1,000/-

And enjoyed the dinner. When the bill came, I said, I had no money.

The Taj Restaurant manager called the policeman, and handed me over to him.

I gave the Rs 100/- note to the police fellow, and he set me free.

Lie or Truth?

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

Little Johnny- Entering Heaven

A nun asked her class, What part of the body goes into
heaven first?


A little girl raises her hand and says, I know, I know, the top of your head.


The nun asks, Why do you say that?


The little girl says, Because when you die, you go straight up, and the top of your head goes in first!


The nun replies, That makes sense, anyone else?


Another little girl says, I know, I know, the tips of your fingers.


The nun asks, Why the tips of your fingers?


The little girl replies, Because when you put your hands
together to pray, the tips of your fingers go into heaven
first!


The nun says, OK, anyone else?


Little Johnny is in the back waving his hand.


The nun says, OK, Johnny, please tell us what part of the body goes into heaven first?


Your feet! Your feet do, for sure! yells Johnny.


The nun, puzzled, asks, Why do you think your feet get to heaven first?


Because I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night, and my mom was in there, and she had both her feet sticking straight up in the air, and she was yelling 'Oh God, I'm coming. Oh God, I'm coming!' and if my Dad hadn't been holding her down, I think she would have gone!

funny jokes

The scene is the darkest jungle in Africa. Two tigers are stalking through the jungle when the one in the rear suddenly reaches out with his tongue and licks the butt of the one in front. The lead tiger turns and says, "Hey, cut it out, alright." The other tiger says sorry and they continue on their way.

After about five minutes the rear tiger suddenly repeats his action. The front tiger turns angrily and says," I said don't do that again!" The rear tiger says "sorry" again and they continue.

After about another five minutes, the rear tiger repeats his action. The front tiger turns and says, "What is it with you, anyway? I said to stop." The rear tiger says, "I really am sorry but I just ate a lawyer and I'm just trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
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A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $700,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely en, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

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One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

just for fun

What is the longest word in the English language?
SMILES: there is a mile between the first and last letters!"
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Teacher: Maria please point to America on the map.
Maria: This is it.
Teacher: Well done. Now class, who found America?
Class: Maria did.
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A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."
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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.

Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you a jerk?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're a jerk!
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A: I'm in a big trouble!
B: Why is that?
A: I saw a mouse in my house!
B: Oh, well, all you need to do is use a trap.
A: I don't have one.
B: Well then, buy one.
A: Can't afford one.
B: I can give you mine if you want.
A: That sounds good.
B: All you need to do is just use some cheese in order to make the mouse come to the trap.
A: I don't have any cheese.
B: Okay then, take a piece of bread and put a bit of oil in it and put it in the trap.
A: I don't have oil.
B: Well, then put only a small piece of bread.
A: I don't have bread.
B: Then what is the mouse doing at your house?!
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Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

Problems of being Rich and Famous (Joke)

Mukesh Ambani in his 27 storeyed House

Mukeshbhai gets up from his bed room on 15th floor, takes a swim in
the swimming pool on 17th floor, has breakfast on the 19th floor,
dresses up for office on 14th floor, collects his files and office bag
from his personal office on 21st floor, wishes Bye to Nitabhabhi on
16th floor, says ‘See You’ to his children on 13th floor, and goes
down on 3rd floor to self drive his 2.5 Crore Mercedes to office, but
than he finds out that he has forgotten the car keys upstairs. But on
which floor? 15th, 17th,19th,14th,21st,16th or 13th ?

He phones to all his servants, cooks,maids, secretaries, pool
attendants, gym trainers, etc. on all the floors. There is a hectic
search and lot of running about on all the floors, but the key is not
traceable. Fed up, after half an hour, Mukeshbhai leaves in a
chauffeur driven ordinary Ikon car.

At 3.30 P.M. late in the afternoon it is discovered that 4 days back,
a temporary replacement maid had washed Mukeshbhai’s pant and hung it
to dry on a string in the balcony of 16th floor, with car keys in the
pant pocket. The had blown away somewhere in the high winds at 16th
floor level and was never found. This was found out because of
Nitabhabhi’s habit of checking clothes given for ironing
personally.After 3 days Nitabhabhi complained to Mukeshbhai that where
was he roaming till 3 A.M. last night ? Mukeshbhai said the he was at
home all night.

Then why did the helicopter land in the terrace at 3 A.M. I was so
much worried. I could not sleep whole night, said Nitabhabhi. Oh That
helicopter?

That helicopter came from Germany, sent by Mercedes people to deliver
the duplicate car key.

Jokes On Sardar Ji

Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"
Sardarji replied: "I Mr YOU" !!.
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Doctor to Sardar (Patient): You will die within 2 hours. Do you want to see any one before you die?
Patient: Yes. A good doctor..
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Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: Sir, just dial 123to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL
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Q: How do you make a sardarji laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
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Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new



Friend: I got a brand new Ford IKON for my wife!
Sardar: Wow!!! That's an unbelievable exchange offer!!!
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Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
Sardar: ZEBRA
Teacher: How?
Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
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Judge: Don't U have shame? It is d 3rd time U R coming to court..
Sardar to judge: U R coming daily, don't U have shame?
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Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No!35 Children R More than Enough!!"
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Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
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After finishing MBBS Sardar started his practice. He Checked 1st Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly Said:"Torch is okay"

Sardar1: Oye, what will happen if electricity is not discovered?
Sardar2: Nothing, we must watch TV in candle light.

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: " Bombay ... Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok.. Ombay. Ombay"

Teacher: "What is common between JESUS, KRISHNA , RAM, GANDHI and BUDHA?"
Sardar: "All are born on government holidays...!!!

Sardar: Miss, Do u called 2 my mobile?
Teacher: Me? No, why?
Sardar: Yesterday I saw in my mobile- 1 Miss Call".(Had never thought of it)

Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not apple.




Son : Papa, 4+3 kithne hai?
Sardar : Ullu ke patthe gadhe idiot naalaayak besharam tujhe kuch nahi aathaa? Jaa andhar se CALCULATOR le ke Aa..
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Sardar built 2 Swimming Pools. And he left one of them unfilled why? When asked him, he said,
"Oye, that's for those who don't know Swimming.
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2 sardaron ko 2 bomb mile,

1st Sardar: chal police ko de k aate hain.
2 sardar: agar koi bomb raaste me phat gaya to?
1st sardar: jhoot bol denge ki 1 hi mila tha
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Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phaasi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
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Sardar 2 doctor: Mujhe 1 problem hai
Dr: Kya?
Sardar: Baat karte waqt aadmi dikhai nahi deta
Dr: aisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt
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Man: Sardar jee aap ko garmi lagti hai to kya karte ho?
Sardar: AC k paas ja k baith jata hun
Man: Agar phir bhi garmi lage to?
Sardar: To A/C on kar leta hun
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A sardar prays daily for 2 hours,
"He Vahe Guru meri lottery lagade."
After 11 years Vahe Guru angrily appeared & said,"Khoti de puttar 1 vari ticket to le le"
The real Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha, kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
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Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? " Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na "
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Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
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Ek sardar ki chatri me hole tha,kisine pucha, umbrella me hole kyun?
Sardar bola, Oye baarish ruk jayegi to pata kaise chalega
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Sardar and Hitler
Hitler says, "There is no word like IMPOSSIBLE in my dictionary"
Sardar says: Ab bolne se kya faayda? " Jub kharidi thi tab hi check karna tha na "
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Sardar and Computer

Sardar: Yaar mujhe 1 hathora or keel chahiye computer k liye.
Sales man: Magar computer me inka kya kaam?
Sardar: Oye yaar mujhe computer me windows lagani hai.
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Two Sardars
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda so hi jaye
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1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
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Sardar and Practical Exam

In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don't know.
Examiner: You are failed, what's your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name